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hello heather’s readers!
maybe some of julie golean readers too? OR some soon-to-be julie readers. because i guarantee you if you follow my instructions your sweaty post workout clogged brains will make you crazy enough to come on over and visit me.
so here’s the problem.
the problem is. you can’t use the treadmill
i know, i know. i have the same problem.
ever since i injured my hip a year or two ago, me & the treadmill have a not-so-hot on again off again relationship
i mean if the treadmill were a man, we would have an ‘it’s complicated’ status on facebook
so here’s the deal. you wanna get sweaty, you wanna burn some killy-kals, you wanna get those endorphies going on & you wanna get schweaty but you and the treadmill are like oil & water and you just don’t love the elliptical
if the elliptical were a man it would be like the guy you said you would marry if you were both 40 and still single
well if you hang out with this guy i guarantee you won’t be 40 and still single. 25 and still single? maybe but we’ve still got 15 years left, so make friends with the stair master.
that’s right i said the bum bum bum stair. master. bum bum bum
get on it. if you haven’t already made friends with him, well then you need to introduce yourself. buy him a cocktail, invite him to breakfast, sleep over if you want (make sure to bring your toothbrush if you do) but at least shake hands
and if you’re in the mood, feelin’ frisky & wanna get down and dirty with him then give this interval & hiit workout a whirl
| time (minutes) | level | direction |
| 0:00-2:00 | 5 | forwards |
| 2:00-4:00 | 8 | forwards |
| 4:00-5:00 | 10 | forwards |
| 5:00-5:40 | 15 | forwards |
| 5:40-6:00 | 10 | forwards |
| 6:00-15:00 | repeat minutes 5:00-6:00 | |
| 15:00-16:00 | 11 | BIG step (skip a step) |
| 16:00-17:00 | 11 | side step right |
| 17:00-18:00 | 12 | forward |
| 18:00-19:00 | 11 | side step left |
| 19:00-20:00 | 13 | forward |
| 20:00-25:00 | repeat minutes 15-20 | |
| 25:00-26:00 | 11 | forward |
| 26:00-27:00 | 16 | forward |
| 27:00-28:00 | 15 | forward |
| 28:00-29:00 | 14 | forward |
| 29:00-30:00 | 15 | forward |
| 30:00-33:00 | 6 cool down | forward |
some important things to remember when getting into a relationship with the stairmaster:
- the stair master likes his space, so please don’t feel the need to grasp on for dear life, put your face in his handles, etc etc. don’t let him classify you as a stage 3 clinger please
- he also isn’t really a fan of chicks who want to rush into things. give him some time to warm up to you, take it slow at first (if you’re a beginner) & certainly don’t feel like you have to lay all your cards out on the table right away
- variety is the spice of life! you gotta keep him around somehow, so don’t be afraid to mix up the intervals & speeds and give him a run for his money
- clean up after yourself! believe me stair masters LOVE to get sweaty but they also like to be clean. so please when you’re finished, do your relationship a favor & clean up after yourself!
well i hope this sparked some sort of an interest in developing a relationship with your stair mill. and if you don’t have access to one of these bad boys, grab a batch of stairs or bleachers & have some fun with them!
and if you want to start a relationship with me, please don’t hesitate to come on over. i’m single and certainly ready to mingle
love to love you <3
-julie
I’ve never used the stairmaster! Maybe I should give it a go.
Love this!!! So funny…I def don’t hit the stairmaster as often as I should 🙁
whoooooooooop! Great workout Ms. GoLean. Heart you. My favorite part of this post: “i mean if the treadmill were a man, we would have an ‘it’s complicated’ status on facebook”